With the greatest of ease
By WitchletsMom On March 28th, 2010I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately about the crisis of faith I’m having about my career. There’s something about watching a younger, less experienced man promoted over the top of you that can cause you to have a lot of questions. Even my shrink tells me this is a normal reaction.
Anyway, one conversation was with a woman in the field who is years ahead of me in her career. We shared stories (yes, I know things are getting better, but they still aren’t fair) and she told me that women like me are part of the problem.
She didn’t say that to be mean. Let me explain. She said that women like me make it look too easy. We have a great career, keep on top of developments in the field, continue our education, produce at work AND raise kids (in my case as a single mother). When the men in charge see this, of course they don’t feel compelled to reward all that hard work – it doesn’t look hard.
That conversation happened weeks ago and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Mainly because as it becomes clear that I need to find a new job I’ve been having panic attacks. What’s out there? What will I end up doing? How is that going to impact my schedule with the kids? Will I like it? What will be the long-term impact on my career? See? My chest is getting tight now.
And despite this, nobody around me knows I’m feeling this way. Why should they? There’s nothing they could do to help and there’s no point in upsetting anyone. In short, I’m doing it again – I’m making this look easy.
This is where I could turn my blog post into a long character dissection about why and how it is that I am compelled to be so stoic about so many things. Don’t worry, I’ll save it for my shrink. The point for you, dearest reader, is to know that this is not easy, I AM in a state of panic and this will pass. I know how to put one foot in front of the other and I certainly have learned somewhere in the last 43 years how to land on my feet.
It will probably do your health a lot of good to be a little less stoic. I don’t think it will help your career.
Nobody in the world of work will ever reward you for being a good parent, keeping up in your field or your professional development. For that matter they don’t reward you for showing up dressed and with a pen. All that matters is what you get done within the confines of your “Job”. The parenthood, professional development, clothing and pen may be what you need to invest in order to be able to produce. But that is your concern, nobody elses.
When they know nothing about you, people try to read the tea leaves of your degrees, family, etc. But after that, your background is something people use to confirm what they have already decided about who you are. They decide who you are by the nature of the headaches or benefits you create for them at work.
When looking for a new job I start with the view that the world is full of people with problems they need to be rescued from. What sort of problems am I good at fixing and who can afford to be rescued from them?
ciao